


Spaghetti and Tasers

by Raggedpelt



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 20:55:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14528988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raggedpelt/pseuds/Raggedpelt
Summary: Peter attempts to make a romantic dinner for Gamora, but things don't go exactly to plan.





	Spaghetti and Tasers

 

A kind of Xandarian root that became soft and noodley when boiled, red Centaurian fruit that tasted /almost/ like tomatos when crushed into a sauce, scales from a Kree species of fish that tasted like garlic if you cooked them right, a Krylorian herb that smelled mostly like oregano… it wasn’t exactly spaghetti, but it was easy to make and delicious and that’s all that mattered.

In all truth, Peter probably didn’t really remember what spaghetti tasted like anymore, anyway. It had been so long since he had had it. And even if his approximation was off, it’s not like anyone else could tell, anyway.

Most of the crew had already eaten. Save for himself, and Gamora. Right now she was working out; her usual pattern was that after a training session, she would hit the shower and then head straight for the kitchen. With any luck, he’d have dinner ready for her right as she got here.

A buzzing noise caught Peter’s attention, and he turned to see baby Groot walking down the hallway, carrying a small handheld tazer weapon high overhead. Sparks were jumping from it as he walked.

“Groot!” Peter said, “Put that down!”

“I am Groot!” the baby replied. He tried to hand it to him, still turned on.

“No no no,” Peter said, backing up. “Just set it down, okay?”

“I am Groot?” Groot set the tazer on the floor, releasing pressure from the button and shutting it off. “I am Groot.” he stepped on the button, causing sparks to leap from it and arc across the floor again. He grinned with childish glee and pointed at the arcing electricity, “I am Groot!”

“Yeah, it’s very pretty,” Peter said, kneeling down, “Hey, how about you come here?” Nervously, he held out a hand. Groot scampered over, climbed up him, and hopped onto the counter, and Peter could surpress his sigh of relief.

He turned his back to grab some spices out of the storage bin, and turned back to find baby Groot floating in the 'pasta' pot, little roots coming out of his feet and palms. Thank god he hadn’t turned the heat up yet.

He rushed over, and scooped the baby out of the water, “Come on, Groot, we talked about the stove.”

“I am Groot!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll get you a glass of water, but you can’t just--” Movement at the corner of his eye caught his attention, “Drax! Can you watch Groot for a little bit?”

“What are you doing?”

“Look, I’m making dinner for me and Gamora, so it’d be great if—”

“Why not just make dinner for Groot too?”

“Well,” Peter replied, already regretting what he was about to say, “I was _kind of_ hoping to make it a romantic dinner for two. Can’t really do that and babysit at the same time.”

Drax looked a bit confused. “You want to make love to her so you’re making her food? She can already make food.”

“Well, you know what they say. The fastest way to a person’s heart is through their stomach.”

“Only if you angle the blade upward instead of going straight in. Also I don’t understand how that is relevant.”

“Don’t worry about it buddy,” Peter answered, trying to hand Groot over to Drax. Groot, for his part, clung to Peter’s hand, and Drax made no move to take him.

“Making love to Gamora is a bad idea,” Drax said, “She is very strong and you could die. She could crush your pelvis.”

“Well, I always figured I’d go out with a bang. Seriously, though, take Groot.”

“She is very strong and you are quite pathetic. And if you are a competent lover, her peak could crush your manhood.”

“ _Drax._ ” Okay, Peter needed a way out of this conversation. “You know what, buddy? You convinced me. Hey, do me a huge favor and go monitor the bridge for any messages, okay? Never know when we might get a warning about an incoming Kree or Skrull ship. And take Groot with you!”

“No,” Drax said, walking off, “If I am going to focus on this task, I can’t have a smaller, stupider Groot distracting me.”

 

* * *

* * *

* * *

 

Ten minutes later, and the food was _almost_ done. He scooped a generous helping onto one plate, poured the sauce over it. Sprinkled a few more dried herbs on it for flavor and presentation, then gently set it aside.

As he scooped more of the spaghetti onto the second plate, Groot proceeded to grab an _armful_ off of the first plate. The little guy sprinted across the counter, leaving a trail of sauce behind him, and threw the food off the far side.

“What the flark!?” came Rocket’s startled voice from over the edge.

“I am Groot!” the baby explained helpfully.

“Groot,” Quill said exasperated, “Food goes on a plate, and then the plate goes on the table.”

Groot just turned to look at Quill, then pointed over the edge at Rocket. “I am Groot.”

“Yes, you shared,” he said, “But you put the food on a plate, first.”

Groot sprinted over, and before Quill could manage to grab him, he clutched the plate with two vines and threw that over the edge at Rocket, too. It was pure reflex that saved him.

Rocket walked around the edge of the counter to give Quill a dirty look. Red sauce splattered his grey coat. “What are you even doing, Starmunch?”

“Dunno who you’re talking to, no one here by that name,” Peter replied, “But could you do me a favor and watch Groot for a little bit?”

“Well, I _could,_ ” came the cranky reply, “But now I gotta go wash whatever kind of sauce this is outta my fur. So no. Kid is your problem at the moment. …Hey, what’s my stunner doing on the floor? I thought I told you to stay out of my room, Quill.”

“I didn’t go in your room! Groot had it!”

“Sure, sure.”

“Come on, Rocket,” Peter protested, but his friend was already stalking away.

With a sigh, he turned to back to look at the destruction. Noodles, sauce, and broken bits of plate were all over the floor. Sauce covered the counter. Sauce covered Groot as well; he was using a tiny hand to scoop it directly from the pot into his mouth.

_Yeah,_ he thought to himself, _Nothing’s happening tonight when Gamora walks out to get dinner and sees this mess._

Maybe another night. “Come on, Groot,” Peter said, resigned, “Let’s get you cleaned up.” He walked over to the counter, and Groot ran over to him, climbing up onto his arm and covering his T-shirt in little red handprints and footprints.

Carefully testing to make sure that it wasn’t too hot or too cold, he carefully filled the sink with water, then set the little guy in it. Groot let out a happy sound, and paddled around. The tiny tree floated like a little cork, so Quill carefully held his body under to more easily wash the sauce off, being careful to keep his head above it.

When Peter reached for a dishrag to clean his face, though, Groot protested, growing tiny thorns. Ouch, okay, apparently not. Still, he had to clean his face somehow.

“Hey, Groot,” Peter said, dropping his voice conspiratorially, “Want to see a trick?”

“I am Groot?”

Peter kneeled down, touched his mouth to the water, and blew bubbles.

“I am Groot!” the baby cried in delight.

“Go ahead, you try it. Just gotta put your mouth in the water and blow.”

Groot’s first attempt had him come up coughing and sputtering, but the sauce was half-gone off of his face.

“Come on, you can do it, try again!”

This time Groot was more successful. He blew bubbles in the water again and again, washing the sauce off his own face in the process.

“Good job!” Peter crowed, grabbing a dry cloth with one hand and scooping Groot out of the sink with the other, “You are so cool.”

“I am Groot?!” the little tree answered, wide-eyed.

“Oh yeah,” Peter replied with a grin as he toweled the little guy off, “Definitely the coolest.”

He turned, only to startle as he realized Gamora was standing in the doorway, watching him with a faint smile on her face, her hair still damp from the shower. How much of him acting like a complete dork with the baby had she seen?

“I, uh, I was making a romantic dinner,” he admitted, glancing around him at the trashed kitchen. But instead the usual unimpressed look Gamora got at his failed romantic gestures, she had an altogether different expression, one he’d never seen before on her.

“It smells great,” she said with uncharacteristic warmth, reaching to take the baby from him. Groot went to her without complaint. “I’ll work on putting him to bed while you get some plates ready.”

Peter smirked despite himself as he grabbed some fresh plates. Okay, maybe Groot hadn’t ruined tonight’s chances after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in about an hour and posted it without proofreading or a second pass, just to get it out of my system. I apologize for nothing.


End file.
